“I’ve eaten the Sun, so my tongue has been burned of the taste.”
– Alice in Chains,
Down in a Hole
We both know how the world could break us and bring us to our knees. It’s a pain we know all too well, one that we would have to go through over and over, and over, again. Because that’s just how life is.
I know how exhausting it can be, on a bodily level, to go through this endless cycle of pain and suffering. You have little to no energy, except to lay under the covers and sleep your day away.
You feel so tired.
You’re tired of being the persona that the rest of the world sees you as. You’re tired of being strong. You’re tired of being tired.
It’s okay to feel this way. We all do at times.
But when you do feel this way, do your utmost to acknowledge it. Depression, among other things, can be a signal from your body to rest.
Jim Carrey, who is famously known for his flamboyant and comedic acts, once opened up in an interview about his darker side that the public doesn’t get to see, and that is, his struggles with depression.
He offered a helpful perspective on depression, saying, “You should think of the word ‘depressed’ as ‘deep rest.’ Your body needs to be depressed. It needs deep rest from the character that you’ve been trying to play.”
He explained, “Depression is your body saying, ‘I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar that you’ve created in the world. It’s too much for me.’”
With that, if you’re feeling depressed, it can be a good idea to give yourself the permission to not do or be anything for a while. Slowly but surely, you’ll start to feel better.
Personally, when I find myself in this state, I know it’s always helpful for me to be alone in my room, lock the door, shut the drapes, put my phone away, and just sleep.
And when I start to feel a little better and have a little more energy, I’d try to look for anything that might bring me some comfort.
Lately, I know I’ve found a lot of comfort in Alice in Chains’ Unplugged album, despite it being so dark. Being one of Layne Staley’s final concerts before he passed, his performance has often been described as him singing his own eulogy. As he poignantly expresses his own deteriorating state in Down in a Hole, “I’d like to fly, but my wings have been so denied.”
Sometimes, it can be comforting not to find light, but to find another pair of hands that you can reach out to in the darkness. That’s the strangely beautiful thing about music, and art in general — how it could connect the hearts of two complete strangers, each living in an entirely different space and time.
When I have a little more energy than that, I’d try looking for something that I can be excited about.
For me, new music releases always excite me in the most childlike way. And somehow, they often find me at just the right time, especially when I’m not feeling my best.
Ghost’s latest single The Future is a Foreign Land, which was released just last Friday, was one such piece of music. Its message of being present in the here and now was just what I needed to hear.
As the lyrics allude, one day, everything in your life — the pleasant, the horrible, and everything in between — will be gone in just a moment. So you’d might as well try to enjoy your own life as much as you can, while you still can.
Life can get more than tiring, and even soul-draining at times. Don’t feel bad for giving yourself the deep rest that you very much deserve.
You don’t have to do anything. And that’s the point.
As you gradually start to feel better, you can slowly think of ways to get back up on your feet.
But for now, just rest.
Izzat Zailan 