“Nature loves nothing that is solitary, but always inclines towards some sort of support. And the sweetest support is a very dear friend.”
– Cicero
There is a story about two great musicians, Roy Orbison and Johnny Cash, who were neighbors and close friends. Both of them experienced their share of debilitating tragedies, enough to fill many lifetimes. Yet, they both knew to be there for one another during such times of suffering.
Roy’s first wife, Claudette was killed in a motorcycle accident. She and Roy were on a holiday, riding their motorcycles when Claudette crashed into a pickup truck that abruptly pulled out in front of her. Within an hour after the accident, Claudette died in Roy’s arms.
Just two years later, Roy was on tour when news broke out that his house had burned to the ground. The two eldest of his three sons died in the fire.
The tragedy likely happened when his sons were playing with matches and an aerosol can in their room behind closed doors. The fire quickly flared up and consumed everything in its way. When their grandparents hurried to their room, it was already too late to save them, though they were burned trying anyway.
By the time Roy got home, the only thing standing in the house was the chimney. The only one of his children that he had left was his youngest son, who was 3 years old at the time. Sadly, Roy’s grief troubled his relationship with his surviving son. Roy’s career too, plunged and dwindled.
Johnny Cash was also on tour when the fire happened. As soon as he heard the news, he cancelled the rest of the tour and came home to comfort his friend. But as he realized, there was little that he could do for him. Roy did not wish to talk to anybody.
Until the funeral, Johnny stayed home, occasionally peeking out the window at the charred chimney. During the funeral, though, Johnny didn’t have the heart to approach Roy. “For the first time in my life I was at a total loss for words, gestures, anything,” Johnny wrote about the incident.
A week or so passed until Johnny mustered the courage to give Roy a call, and told him that he loved him. “He said he’d be all right,” wrote Johnny. “But I couldn’t imagine how he could be.” Johnny wouldn’t see Roy again for a long time.
Roy had moved in with his parents, and they had put up a “No Visitors” sign on their front door. From time to time, Johnny would come by and talk with Roy’s father. He would ask about how Roy was doing, but he always had the same answer: Roy was at home, but he shut himself in his room.
At one point, Johnny decided that he had to check up on Roy. He went to his room and saw Roy as pale as a corpse, motionlessly sitting in his bed, and staring at a big television with the sound completely turned down. He had his sunglasses on, and Johnny couldn’t tell if he was crying, or if he was even looking at him. Roy didn’t utter a word.
Once again, Johnny found himself at a loss for words. He eventually said to Roy the only thing that he could at the time, that he loved him, and that he wouldn’t know how to deal with the situation if he were in Roy’s shoes.
“I don’t know how to deal with it, either,” Roy responded. He didn’t speak anymore after that, and Johnny left.
In the years that followed, Roy slowly picked up the pieces. He remarried and had two more children. Before he passed, Roy was able to mend his relationship with his surviving son from his first marriage, and he also experienced a renaissance in his career.
But just as Roy’s life and career were rebuilding, Johnny’s were falling apart, as he sank deeper and deeper into his drug and alcohol abuse.
At one time in Dublin, Johnny was so high on amphetamines, that he had to cancel his show for the night. Roy gave him a call, as they were supposed to meet. “I’m not in very good shape, Roy,” Johnny told him.
“I’m coming over anyway,” Roy responded.
When Roy came, Johnny wouldn’t let him into his room. He just stayed in his bed, strung out of his mind, waiting for Roy to go away. Roy knocked and waited. He knocked louder and louder and waited again, until he finally relented and left.
Months later when they met again, Johnny apologized about the incident. “I’m sorry about Dublin, Roy,” he said. “I heard you knock, but I couldn’t face you. Knowing the grief you’ve gone through, I didn’t want to see you hurt, and I know you’d have been hurt if you’d seen my face.”
Like a friend, Roy responded, “Oh man, don’t worry about it. I’ve been that way too.”
Sometimes, we all need to be reminded of what a blessing it is to have good friends in our life, especially as we go through difficult times.
It’s a fact of life that many of our friendships don’t last. Some of them are transactional, so whenever the object of transaction is gone, the friendship is too. Some of them slowly wither away as we grow older and adopt new values and identities for ourselves. Some of them end abruptly out of pettiness, whether from our own behavior or the other person’s.
The few friendships that do last, though, are the truly good ones.
There’s nothing like the beauty of a good friendship, whereby you give the best of yourself to another person, not out of expectation of anything in return, but simply as an end in itself — because friendship is the reward of friendship. There’s nothing sweeter than having a person with whom you could reach out to at any time and talk just about anything as if you’re talking to yourself. There’s nothing more meaningful than to have someone to double your joy and divide your grief with.
To quote the Roman statesman Cicero, “How could you enjoy the good times of life if you didn’t have someone who was as happy about your good fortune as you are? And adversity would be a terrible thing to bear unless you had someone who felt its weight even more than you.”
And in times of suffering — even when you don’t feel like facing the world — it does go a long way to hear the words, “I understand you” or “You could lean on me if you need me.”
The takeaway from this article, then, is to not take your friendships for granted. Look back at some of the toughest times you’ve gone through — how different would they have been if you were alone in your struggles? Would you have made it through without the reassuring comfort and support of a good friend?
So, go and reach out to a friend. Ask them out for coffee. Or at least, give them a call or a text, and tell them you love them. Don’t wait until it’s too late to do these things.
By the way, what happened to Roy’s lot where his old house burned down?
A long while after the tragedy, Roy decided to build a new house just nearby. Johnny came to visit the construction site one day, and was proud to see that Roy was nearly his old self.
After talking about the new house, Roy discussed his wish to sell his old lot to Johnny and his wife. Johnny agreed, and in Roy’s honor, he promised to not build anything on it or resell it. Instead, he would plant an orchard there, and the first fruits of every year would always be Roy’s.
Roy loved the idea. He was glad that what remained of his old home, which meant a lot — perhaps too much to him — would be not in the hands of a stranger, but of a good friend.
Izzat Zailan 