“I’ll make it to the Moon if I have to crawl.”
– Red Hot Chili Peppers,
Scar Tissue,
Californication
This coming Monday, I will be turning 25. And every year, I try to come up with a special article for my birthday, in which I would look back at the some of the most important thoughts and memories that I’ve picked up during the past year.
The reason I do this is, honestly, because my birthday and the days leading up to it are one of the times of the year where depression would hit me the hardest.
Writing this article every year is one way to remind myself that birthdays are meant to be celebrated. You could either look back at the past year and be overcome with negativity, or you could give yourself a big pat on the back for the important things that you have done or learned. I choose to fight for the latter.
So, here are some of the things that have come out of this process of looking back.
1. Learn to Laugh it Off. A couple of months ago, I went on a road-trip to the Songkhla province in Thailand. At one time, I was strolling around in a night market in a crowd of people. I was literally thinking about the fried insects and worms I had just seen being sold moments earlier, when suddenly, I heard a pop and hissing sound from the stall directly on my left.
The cable on a gas cylinder had come off as the hawkers were busy deep-frying their food, and we all thought there was going to be an explosion. Well, in my case, I was in a blur as I was still thinking about the insects and worms. But as soon as I saw everyone else around me running to the other side, I did too. Thankfully, the situation was quickly handled and nothing happened. And everyone just laughed.
I’ve since thought of this incident as a metaphor for many of the things that we worry about. Sure, some of them may be valid, as they could be a life-or-death matter. But many of them aren’t. So, it’s worth imagining your future self looking back at your present anxieties. In time — especially years down the road — would you still take them seriously? Chances are, you wouldn’t. But rather than laughing them off later, you can do it now.
This applies to not only our anxieties per se, but also our failures. Instead of beating yourself up for your failures and mistakes, learn to laugh at yourself for where you were then, and for not knowing what you know now. This is how you become more forgiving and accepting of yourself. And this is how you give yourself the necessary freedom to fail in order to become a better person.
2. Humanity is Underrated. This year, I decided to challenge myself to break out of my shy shell and attend more social events, especially artist talks and meet-and-greets. And I’m so glad I did. At least for me, the thrill in going to these events is not so much in revering famous artists as though they are somehow superhuman. The thrill is in being reminded that the artists you look up to are just as human and flawed as anybody else. For me, this is perennially inspiring.
Perhaps the most significant of such events I took part in was meeting Steve Vai in person. Knowing him as a legendary musician and as one of my favorite guitar heroes, it can be hard not to see him as larger than life. But as I got to converse with him and have a close look at his soundcheck and gear, I was really touched by his down-to-earth character. He was very humble about having the same struggles and inspirations as anybody else. And he was willing to thoroughly share his hard-earned knowledge with a random fanboy like myself.
These events made me realize more than ever that art is not esoteric. In the heart of every great artist is an average person who has stayed true to their calling, who has dedicated their waking hours to doing what they love to do most.
3. The Red Hot Chili Peppers Show. As utterly mind-blowing it was to meet Steve Vai in person, my memory of seeing a Chili Peppers show in Singapore is still the closest to my heart. It’s only natural I guess, as I’ve loved their music for nearly my entire life. So, when they announced their only show in Southeast Asia, I quickly jumped at the opportunity to secure a front-row ticket.
If I’m being honest, I still couldn’t believe that I ticked this one off my bucket list. Throughout the entire set, I got teary-eyed, not only because of how surreal the whole experience was, but because the music was so beautiful. Their jams were so on point, that they could have been perfect material for an album. And everyone played at their absolute best, especially guitarist John Frusciante.
I still often look back at the snippets I recorded during the show. It’s kind of funny that in my recording of John’s guitar solo in Californication, my camera suddenly gets shaky and drops out of focus at one point. That’s because I was crying. That was the best Californication solo I’ve ever heard in my life.
4. “Souls” Games Are Life Simulators. If you didn’t know, Souls is sort of a genre of video games. It’s usually used to refer to particular games that were developed by the company FromSoftware, including the Dark Souls series and Bloodborne. These games share some similarities in their mechanics and design. But most of all, these games are stupidly difficult.
My friends often say that I’m a psychopath for enjoying these difficult games. And sometimes, I do wonder why I bother playing them. I’ve written an entire article about the lessons I learned from playing Bloodborne in particular. But to summarize everything in one point: it’s because there is an unparalleled sense of growth and satisfaction that you get from overcoming hardship.
Souls games can build your character, if you approach them this way. They’re really difficult, yes. But you can see these hardships as opportunities for you to think differently, to play smart, to train yourself to get comfortable with failure. Of course, I do get bummed out when I lose for the umpteenth time. But when I do, I would remind myself that it’s just a game, and to just have fun.
I recently fought a boss in Dark Souls 3, which took me an entire week to beat. I would spend an hour or more each day trying different strategies and noticing what worked and what didn’t. I eventually got so mentally and emotionally tired, that I no longer cared about winning or losing. Lo and behold, this was when I started to relax and I actually won the fight.
Sounds like a happy ending, right? But then you meet a boss that’s a hundred times worse than the one you fought before. This is Souls in a nutshell. This is life in a nutshell, too, if you think about it.
5. There is No Time But the Present. When I gave up smoking two years ago, like plenty of other people, I read Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. The premise of the book is basically to help you associate as much pain with smoking as possible. But there is one paradox that the author shares in the book, which I still think a lot about.
The paradox says that smokers smoke because they want to feel a momentary high or calmness when they’re smoking. But interestingly, that momentary high is what non-smokers feel all the time. Even more interestingly, it’s what smokers actually feel too when they’re not smoking, even if they don’t realize it.
For me, this paradox rings true not only in quitting smoking, but generally in life as well. We always look for specific manifestations of contentment. We think that when we finally make a certain amount of money, travel to a certain place, get into a relationship, then we will finally be happy. But what we don’t realize is that we already have everything we need to be happy.
Real contentment comes from simply appreciating the “small” things in your life: your health, your lasting friendships, family — the list is endless. You don’t notice these things when you’re busy chasing a future that may or may not come. And in doing so, you’re also losing the only time that you actually have, and that is, the present. You only realize when it’s too late, that your health has deteriorated, your friendships have grown apart, and the baby in your family has grown up.
Whenever you catch yourself drifting into the future — or the past, for that matter — remember that there is no other time but the present. Stop putting your life on hold, and get busy living in the here and now.
Izzat Zailan 