“I realized that when people met me they were expecting to meet Charles de Gaulle. I had to learn to be the man inside the quotes. But generally I prefer to be myself. I don’t have to pretend to be this mastermind.”
– Charles de Gaulle,
Former President of France
We hear a lot about being your “authentic self” nowadays. There’s plenty of life and career advice suggesting that you should always hold firm to the things that make you uniquely you, whether that means your values, your weird habits and traits, and your own likes and dislikes.
Sounds familiar? Well, that’s because this is what I also tell you to do in many of my articles.
Authenticity may help you lead a much more fulfilling life, and create better art as well. But I have to point out that there is no perfect philosophy.
It isn’t possible to be authentic all the time. There are inevitably situations where being authentic isn’t the practical thing to do. Because such is life: sometimes, you just have to do shit that you don’t like to do, and be someone that you’re not all that comfortable being.
I remember taking a Services Marketing class when I was an undergrad, during which I learned the concept of “emotional labor”. It’s when you have to manage your emotions in ways that are expected of your professional role. It’s when you have to mask your “authentic self” and adopt a different persona, so that the former doesn’t screw up your work and your relationships.
For example, if you work in customer service, you have to exhibit a calm demeanor, no matter how much you actually want to strangle the customer who is yelling at you for problems that you’re not directly at fault for.
Or if you’re a gravedigger, it doesn’t matter if you’re a bubbly person by nature. Whether you like it or not, you have to act serious during your job. Or your customers would think that you’re being insensitive to their loss.
This works the same way on a personal level as well. If I were to be my authentic self all the time, I would be in my room all day, just drinking coffee, reading books and listening to music. But of course, I have commitments to attend to, like work or socializing, which requires me to wear different masks at different times.
My authentic self also couldn’t stand ceremonies, like weddings. But I just have to mask up and show up, in order to be an adult, and in this case, a good friend or relative.
Plus, whether you realize it or not, we don’t actually have a fixed identity, because we’re continuously changing our masks depending on the people we’re interacting with.
For instance, who you are when you are around your boss or your co-workers is definitely different than who you are when you are with your family members or your friends.
Authenticity is important. And I’m not saying that all the advice out there are bad. But I’m just here to remind you that, as with most things in life, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Different situations deserve different considerations.
It’s perfectly okay to not be yourself at times.
Izzat Zailan 