“I’m floating down a river
Oars freed from their holes long ago
Lying face up on the floor
Of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
And feel my heart overflow.”
– Incubus,
Aqueous Transmission
I remember once going through a particularly low moment. In that time, I had grown distant from God. But one day, I just got so overwhelmed with the situation I was going through, that I just broke down when I was alone in my car.
In that desperate moment, I raised my hands and made a prayer. I was practically begging Him to bring better days my way. I told Him I was tired of feeling tired, and I just wanted Him to take away the things that had been weighing on me for so long.
A miracle didn’t happen, at least not in the way I expected. Soon after that moment, I came across a post that spoke to me. It made me feel like it was God’s direct, indirect way of answering the prayer I made. I took a screenshot of the post and favorited it on my phone.
I guess we all need a good reminder about the fact that we don’t know ourselves as much as we think we do. We don’t know what is good, or isn’t good for us. We only know what we want. We dream up a fantasy about how our lives would automatically be so great if we only had what we wished for. And it crushes our soul when that fantasy doesn’t come true.
The Qur’an clearly addresses our flawed condition: “Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know (2:216).”
Whereas we see our desires from our own limited perspective, God sees them from all angles. So, instead of merely giving us what we want, He gives us what is best for us.
With that, I learned to go through my everyday life with at least a little less fear. I learned to trust that God, being All-Loving, is watching over me in every step of the way, and that He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me. So, what seems like a bad thing could certainly be a blessing in some way.
Not only that, once I finally got to this place of letting life happen, and feeling that it’s fine if I don’t get what I want, this is when much better opportunities started opening up to me, seemingly out of nowhere.
And as it so often happens, I would look back at the things that I was so devastated about not having, and I would feel grateful and relieved. Because I would realize how those things could never have made me happy, except in my own head.
Again, the Qur’an talks about this: “And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He alone is sufficient for them. Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything (63:2-3).”
So “let life happen to you,” as the poet Rilke wrote in one of his letters. “Believe me, life is in the right, always.”
Izzat Zailan 